Girl in bleh

I am very emotional. I know. I am somewhat confusing as well. Heck I confuse myself. I feel like I’m moving backwards even though my steps seem forward. I want to explode. I overthink things. I’m stuck in my emotions. I loose control of myself, my emotions and logical reasoning. I get anxious.

I cut myself with a glass yesterday. No. I did not try to kill myself as that would be extreme. I cut myself because I was anxious. I hate to feel locked out. I want to know what’s going on. Being in the dark is frustrating. Now I don’t care much about what happens in everyone’s

life although some gbegborun won’t hurt. But I want to know why the one I care about is hurting. It’s expected right?

I swear I totally get when guys say women are complicated and they can’t understand us. I can’t understand myself.

I am probably putting the cart before the horse….but I needed to let out.





She that never was. Ours. An expression of a bond that would be experienced with none else!

Tiwa. I miss you already! You brought the deepest smile to his face. You got his heart beating faster than even I could.

I wish you were. You made his every reality fade. You placed him on a high at each thought of you. You made him cry (and I thought I was the only one that had the strings to his heart! 🙂 ). Tiwa, you were already daddys’ girl.

He never pronounced your name with the proper accent, but it did not matter. He pronounced it just right because all that mattered was that you heard his voice!

You never were. But you are. I see how he would spoil you. I see you jumping into his arms! I see the joy you put in his heart! I see the love in his eyes for you. He would see me through you.

Your coming would have been the beauty among the chaos. You presence would have quieted the storm. It would have been tough but your innocence would have made the journey easy.

Thank you. For even the littlest moments of joy thinking about you.

Tiwa, momma misses & loves you!


When he…

1208. 08212017.

Cant sleep. I think this is the worst ever!

Zero to a hundred! Now that’s understated!

I love you.

Girl! You ain’t supposed to cry! Chin up!

But this shit hurts! It hurts!

I’d hate to lose both.

I can feel the sourness already. 8am calls done. Inside jokes gone. Bubbly laughter from my belly ended. Fading scent of his manliness.

I’m losing my foothold! Help!

Girl! Chin up and handle this shit!

0133. 08222017

We good. Pardon my bucketful! You can toss it.

Not a hundred. But I’ll take fifty over nothing.

Lets start over!

Hello, my name is Keji!

All it takes

One decision can change your whole life. One. Just one! We are all one decision away from living absolutely different lives.

The toughest decision is one that affects the lives of others.

One decision to send a message can change a girls life all together.

One decision to go on a date can bring you into love forever.

One decision to listen to someone everyone deemed invaluable can make one wiser.

One decision to give that guy a chance can ruin your happiness forever.

One decision to keep that child can make you the mother of greatness.

One decision to damn everything and love against all odds, can bring you happiness.

One decision to damn everything and love against all odds, can put you in sadness forever.

One decision. One.

Decisions are however made by tough people. Make one today! Make the right one.

Even when you make a wrong one, never regret your decisions. Just make better ones.


Hey you!

You. Yes you!

Slow down. Time has rolled by and done its damages. We have loved and stepped out of its comforts. We are embraced by the warmth of other bodies. Reminisce and smile. Stop.

You. Yes you!

I loved you. But we just never could create a beauty out of the billions of affections transposed between our hearts. Oh how I wished upon the star of love and upon cupids arrow for an us to be!

Hey you. I have missed you. I miss you. Strange, how you still pull the strings of my beating heart!





I cant show the cravings. I cant let the world see. But I need their attention. I need them to see me. Even when I am not doing anything. I just want them to notice me. They have their lives though. So I hide my need for their attention, for their validation. I hear the forces that accuse attention seekers. And I cringe within.

I am an attention feen.

I am ashamed, but then I am not. It is who I am.

I am attention feen and this is my first step to admitting it.

A step at a time and i’ll come out blazing, getting over what people will say.

I am a feen!



FEENING means “Craving, wanting really badly” It is an acronym, abbreviation or slang word.


A Conversation

“I miss you and I want to see you”

“I wanna see you too. I am travelling to W**** tomorrow, when do you want me to come?”

Midday. 12 noon or 1 pm. Cant spend too much time, but we can have lunch together”

“Today? It could be next week. I get back Sunday”

“Oh ok, thought you could make it today. Just excited. I have missed you. Saturday just heightened my excitement a lot more as if I am not already high on you”

“We are crazy you know”

“Just be safe. I think i’ll break down if anything ever happened to you”

“Hey my love, stop that. Don’t even entertain such thoughts.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I love you, a lot more than I let out most times”

” I know. You don’t have to say it. I can see it in your eyes, I can taste it in your kisses, I can feel it in the way you hold me. The few times you say it are confirmation of what i already know and are just toppings. I. Love. You. M*&%.”

“You have no idea how you make me feel when you say some the beautiful things you say. It makes me fall for you even more and makes me wonder how life with you would have been. Sigh.”

“Sigh. I also wonder what fights with you would have been like. I do know however that regardless of whose fault it was, i’d find a way to let you know that I would not be able to breathe right without you.”

“Isn’t that what love does”

“I cant wait to see you lover”



In love with two? Read this

Culled from here;

I’d like to think that most people don’t fall in love very easily. Nevertheless, there are those who claim to fall in love on the regular. Moreover, there are some individuals who claim to be capable of being in love with more than one individual at a time.

This concept seems foreign to me, but for the sake of philosophical inquiry, I thought it would be interesting to take a closer look into how it is that some people have trouble falling in love at all while others seem to be falling in love left and right.

There are only a handful of explanations that are feasible. The first being that the individuals in question only think they are in love with multiple people when in fact they aren’t.

Love is a voluntarily accepted illusion. Sure, when we fall in love, we feel that we’re in love, but feeling – like everything else we experience – all originates from the brain.

To be clear, I’m talking about romantic love and not the love between parent and child or brother and sister. I am talking about sexual, romantic love. What really differentiates the two is the sex. So falling in love is basically accepting that you care deeply for an individual mixed in with the urge to jump his or her bones.

The beauty of love is that once it takes hold of us, it takes on a life of its own. It’s basically an obsession. How long this obsession will survive depends on how justified our obsession is.

If we quickly get disillusioned, then we fall out of love. If the person turns out to be really great then we are likely to stay in love for a bit longer. This gets more complicated as more often than not our minds start to invent flaws in order for us to feel more removed and less dependent, but you get the picture.

Very often we believe ourselves to be falling in love only to quickly realize that it wasn’t love, but rather infatuation. You can surely be infatuated with multiple people, but can you be in love with multiple people?

That really depends on how you define love. If you define love as caring greatly for a person and having romantic/sexual thoughts for that person, then sure, you can love multiple people. But love isn’t quite so shallow.

I often think that people never actually fall in love, but rather work towards being in love. When you fall for someone, you are greatly falling for someone that doesn’t actually exist.

You don’t know the person entirely and therefore only love the things that you do know about him or her. The rest remains a mystery and when finally realized is often the wakeup call that has us running out the door.

Love is something that is created and maintained over time. It takes time, energy, work, dedication and focus – just like anything else worth doing in life. For whatever reason, human beings love the idea of having things given to them.

No one wants to have to work for anything – we’d prefer it all handed to us on a silver platter. That’s why people love the concept of love. It levels the playing field by promising even the poorest, dumbest, most naïve person a chance at experiencing the greatest phenomenon known to man.

It’s something that every individual in the world can experience and be a part of. It doesn’t discriminate. Anyone can be lucky enough to fall in love – it’s all chance, so people would like to believe. Just about everyone’s brain is capable of it.

However, the belief that love is something so readily found gives people the illusion that it doesn’t take work to maintain. We love the concept of love because it gives the laziest man the chance to “have it all” – since love is all that you need in life, right?

In reality, building and maintaining love takes a lot of work. Any fool can fall in love, but only a few can stay in love. Life throws a lot of sh*t our way.

In fact, the higher your aspirations, the more difficulties you will face, the more troubles you will have to deal with. Life makes loving very, very hard. This is why I have a very hard time believing that a person can truly love more than one person at a time.

There simply isn’t enough time to love more than one person. Time is a reality that we all must abide by. There is only so much time in a day, in a week, in your life to do the things that you want to and have to do.

Relationships take up a whole lot of time and energy – the more you love a person, the more time and energy you will devote to them. So is it possible to think that you are in love with more than one person? Sure, but only on the earliest stages in which true love has yet to take form. The fact is that you don’t have enough time to love more than one person at a time properly.

There aren’t enough hours in the day. Falling in love is an illusion. Loving is a full-time job. If you think you are in love with two people, then chances are that you don’t truly love either of them.

By Paul Hudson