Mena

Red.

Been on this lane

A hilly lane

Green it has been, no amber seen in sight

And then stop? Smash!!!

Roaming around my mind, the thought of this day

Never did I think I will find being away so hard to stay

The coldness drives me crazy

The winter I can deal with, but with the winter comes a storm

Blisters, dryness and breaks in my pumping heart

I am broken.

I should not be

But your words sting like a bee

Albeit true, they reflect the lie I live

Done.

 

Keji

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Trust. Forgiveness.Fear.

What exactly is trust? Merriam Webster defines it as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone. ‘I trust that my man would never cheat on me’. That is an example of trust. However when trust is broken, it is quite hard for human beings to rebuild it. It sometimes happens and sometimes it does not; when trust however is being rebuilt after being broken, it can take years.

Now that is often the point of view of the person doing the trusting.

When you are the one who has broken a trust, it is a lot harder. Especially if the person who was hurt is special to your heart. While trying to rebuild trust, you often wonder how long it will take. What length you will have to go to regain trust. If you will ever regain that trust. If you will ever be forgiven.

Forgiveness. When the adulterous woman was brought before a great Man to be killed, He asked her accusers, “he who has no sin to cast a stone”. They all went away. Can we apply this to today? I know some sins are so grievous, but because you sin different than I do does not mean that you are forgivable and I am not. Why should a man be forgiven for adultery and not a woman? Why should a man be forgiven for theft and not murder? Yes, in some way the latter are somewhat bigger sins to the victims that the former, but sin is sin. For people who believe in the true way to God, all sins are equal and we should be able to forgive all; Hard! I know. However, for people who say they love one another, sins should be overshadowed by that love. Love, they say covers a multitude of sins.

Fear. An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that  something is likely to cause pain. An offender often is condemned by the person they have hurt. A man who loves his wife so much, cheats on her. Not because it was a mistake, but because as human being feeling that the grass was greener on the other side, he was tempted and fell. Now he is afraid of loosing his wife. Of loosing his children. Of the hurt that would be rippled across his family and her family. If only he had deeply thought about this before he planned ‘the meeting’ with his greener grass. Now fear. Not because he is a weakling but because he actually loves his family. “If he truly loves her, he won’t cheat on her”, I hear that a lot. But I also hear “you don’t know what you have till it is lost”. This goes for many a people. This is also talk for another day. But note, certain situations make people ‘forget’ how much they love their partner e.g. financial down times, childlessness,  work pressures, extended family pressures, peer pressures. Keep this in mind.

I think people should trust fully. When a trust can be broken on suspicion, then it was not trust at all. When trust can be broken on hearsay, it was not trust at all. When the trusted person is caught in the act, then trust can be broken. Not compulsorily though, because I have heard of stories where forgiveness is given to the trusted person after that person was caught in the act. So even in the worst situations, an offender can still be trusted depending on the relationship between the offender and the offended.

The offender is often at the short end of the stick. However, while we want to stay upset and angry at  loved ones who have broken our trust, forgiveness is necessary to  move on. It is necessary to remove fear from the offender and to reassure them that life can be restarted. We are human and VERY prone to errors even when we know we are making them. The flesh is mostly weak.

I know most of this is easier said than done, especially coming from someone who has offended a lot of people. But I seek solace in the fact that I have asked for forgiveness from God and the ones I offended as well as have forgiven myself. I do not work in with the frame mind that grace will abound, but I hold on to grace to offend less.

Remember, LOVE covers a multitude of sins.

Keji.

 

Kiire?

Cant tell what this is.

It hurts.

Oh the Pain!

Sigh.

To top it off, my period has decided to take its time….

I cant be pregnant mehn! CANT!

Home strips says negative, but why ain’t my period showing?????????

Heart attack maybe?

Double sigh!

Keji

Life is a war!

Its full of so many fights!

We fight to survive, fight for our sanity, fight for our family, our career and future. We fight for happiness, fight to make wise decisions, the fighting never seems to end.

In all, we have to fight fair! Never fight with an unwilling partner (whether it is yourself or another person entirely). In war, there is love. Let love reign even in fights.

Wars are made up of many battles, battles too many to fight. Learn which to fight and which to ignore.

Stay happy! Cry! Love! Smile! Pray! Live!

Love, Keji

A rebuke

Can you feel it? See it?

The squeeze in my chest, the pain I can’t explain

Heartbreak? No? A heart attack might give you a clue

Over again, this fragile heart is stomped upon

I doubt it can take much more

It’s broken pieces tearing into its frame

When that’s gone, she’s gone

Into a dark place. No lights. Gone.

________________________________________________

…am not happy with the way you’re allowing your mind assess the situation.

What you need do is take control of your mind and understand is its a commitment, a covenant and an end in itself.

When you consciously work with these themes then, tis easy to approach every situation, challenges and or problems that seeming arises  with a mindset of winning being the ONLY option.

You can make things work beautifully and not just endure it.

________________________________________________________

 

I am such a drama queen!

Love, Keji

Ro’s Journey

Sometimes even beyond our intents, the journey beacons. A wilderness twas.

…along the line, many were and one after the other, they fizzled away. However, she constant remained. He feared the age difference – she could ‘lose’ her youth. “I think you sometimes held back when we ‘were'”, she said.

…on the flip side, they never did click and away they went. One however, also did remain. The interest never was mutual, but friendship beyond it all they maintained. When she was heart broken, twas him whose shoulders she seemingly sought refuge.

Like business, a decision was made. Only that deep within everyone lies the real intent not always sincerely shared with one another.

Eventually, twas a wilderness experience…

____________________________________________________

This is not mine. Ro, a good friend of mine sent this to me and i thought it worthy to be posted.

 

Love, Keji

Us

The blinds are drawn, the sheets around me rough

A tall dark figure lies still beside me

The father of my children

I turn around trying to find the sleep that took me away

Away from the words that hurt so deep

Away from the reality that is bittersweet

Sleep derides me

New paint, bigger space, wallpapers, pretty curtains

A new place to call home, something of glee

Home, House, shelter, my soul requires nil

In a dark corner, bliss seems quite unreachable

Don’t ask me why I am unhappy

Because I know not

I do not ever really remember a time in my life

Where true delight existed long enough

I wish he could see through me

I wish he would try to figure this thing out

His snores begin to create an uprising

Disdain for his person looms

I attempt to form affection

I take a stab at recollecting our vows

My memory fails me, or does it?

I’ll stay.

For my children. For me.

For the future that might be better.

For our families.

For the prayers that must not go unanswered.

For a culture that needs to be preserved.

For a cycle that must be broken.

For God.

I’ll stay.

And wake every morning with a hope that I’ll find myself

That a love for him can blossom

That we can make it

That Happiness can find me

That I can be truly content, happy and fulfilled!

 

 

Yap-Yap

Would have been his Mrs. but for fates’ plan. There was not yet a meeting when the emotions began floating around. He was my far away subject of admiration, the motivation for where I was heading. My dorky, weird, always around-even when not around bae!

Should have been just about writing. But there was something extra I could not place my hands on. I finally figured it out. He is specially created. You have to understand God to understand him. His imagination is something else, no wonder he does what he does. His creativity is beautiful. His faith shook me. And he is not yet half the man he is going to be. The world sure has a star. He should write again.

Could have ignored others, but again the future had to be fulfilled. His Yap-Yap irritated me, but I could hear it all day as far as it was his. That he thinks tickling me over the phone is cute is annoying, but as far as it was his, I would giggle.

What we have is more than what we think would have had, should have had and could have been.

Ro.

I doubt he’ll ever know the things I think of him.

Love, Keji

Forgive me, but…

I might sin again.

His lips are my Achilles heel.

His body my muse.

His words are music to my ears.

And his touch is a chink in my armor.

 

Forgive me Lord, but I might sin again.

Last night was our communion.

A communion to rekindle an unlost flame

It burnt hotter, with blue and red flames

Mixed to create a short but unending ecstasy

Gripped with fear of our coalesce

Yet excited at the thought of a mini us

 

Guilty, yet justified.

Forgive me Lord, these words are my sin.